Celebrate Me - a poem on and for people with cancer
Cancer survivors are often celebrated and their victory over cancer is talked about. But what about those who are not able to beat the disease?
She is just 31.
At 27 she was diagnosed with advanced stage breast cancer.
She has failed on multiple lines of treatment. I sat with her and asked, "What scares you?" She said, "I know my cancer is not treatable. I am scared of running out of treatment options. As long as there is treatment and the cancer responds to it I am alive but when there are no more options......" Her voice trailed off!
Since then a thought has been on my mind. Pink October is here and many will celebrate the 'survivors' but will anyone acknowledge the struggles of this young woman? Cancer treatment is tough for all. Some survive and some don't. While the ones who live to tell their tale need to be applauded. But we should realize that the ones on palliative treatment or the ones who are now living with a progressive disease try as hard to survive. Why do we not celebrate them?
With this on my mind, I wrote a poem shared below.
Two years back I was hailed a survivor...
They celebrated me
Called me for talks
Felicitated me
Like a winner, I walked!
Then the cancer came back
I went into a shell
Knowing someday the disease will get the better of me
They believe in courage I lack
The world they once painted with colours
Now seems very black
They no longer call me
Or celebrate me
What is it that now I lack?
My will to survive is the same
My spirit the cancer hasn't been able to tame
I try as hard as others but somedays
I am in pain
As if the cancer has me in chains
I know I can't be what I was
But why do they forget my identity remains unchanged?
Death hovers over me
I struggle to survive
I may not live for long
But the will is still strong
I wish they would still celebrate me
It hurts as in their world I no longer belong
I am more than the cancer they label as my identity!
Then I remind myself
My beauty is beyond what they can see
I whisper to my spirit, "Let them be. Will you dance with me?"
You and I will groove singing our own song and be free!
About the poet:
Vandana Mahajan is a cancer conqueror and a palliative care counselor.
Image by Janvi Bokoliya.
This poem was originally published on Nivarana.org.